So What?

I have had and will have many of my first times happening in Kuala Lumpur, in this city of temptation where I don't really belong to though I wish to. I hail from a shabby kampong where a life over there is simple and even people who are considered fashionable with their so-called punk-fashionably dressings are nothing but 38. How could they regard themselves to be the heights of fashion and sophiscation when they're wearing clothes which had been sold here for months already?

I'd just given my another first-time to Dream this evening - hanging out with her and friends for singing in a karaoke bar in conjunction with her birthday on 4th of Novemeber. An indeed memorable day for a kampong boy like me, with free food, drinks, long couchs comfortable for sleeping, microphones, speakers, song-selector and most importantly friends who're insanely keen on singing. Thanks to Dream and her mum for this golden chance and I guess I might not have another in the future.

Everyone's so cool, except me when coming to karaoke-singing. I guess I was just lack of courage and confidence when trying to deal with something which's totally new to me. Throughout this evening, I'd actually enjoyed myself very much though I didn't really display it. From my friends who couldn't really and didn't really want to stop singing, I've learnt a new definition for the term 'all-rounder'. All-rounders shouldn't only be good in everything that's recognized as 'good deeds' by the people but also need to show some knowledge in others which are the opposites. Ming was right, I was afraid and unsure of myself when coming to something that I'd never been experiencing before. I flinched at touches of anybody, flinching away from anything completely new to me and leading myself a solitary existence.

On the way back to Angkasa, I pondered over the trembling excitement that everybody had had just now and I found that I could really be like them, making myself more enjoyful by mimicing their reaction of singing, shouting and screaming in front of everyone with a microphone confidently held in hands. I am also aware that I've actually many songs to share. I like many songs by Backstreet Boys, Jay Chou and SHE and I know I can sing them providing the lyrics are given. Due to my timidity, I have been losing many opportunities which may not happen to me again in the rest of my life.

I recollected how I had been spending alone with the songs I like in the bathroom or somewhere else with nobody. I would always stop singing immediately after every bath or during when somebody has suddenly invaded into my safety zone. I am terribly afraid that my voices and my actions would make me blush and bring me howls of derision from the others.

This fear has been torturing me for years. I really envy those who can lead a life with no fear. I like to be somebody who can take challenges and adapt to the new changes. In fact, I should actually forget what I was, I need to change, never looking back at the bad things which had been happening all this while.

God, please help me to change~ I need faith and confidence.